Tears are flowing, waves are moving and howls come out of my mouth. It is Sunday morning and I was cleaning my closet to pick up what I dropped on the floor last week and create the sense of order I know I appreciate when I am facing a busy week! I hear the TV as I walk through the family room on my way to the washer. I stop and watch for a moment and catch the word Alzheimer's. It is the program Maria Shriver created as her father Sargent Shriver the vital public servant of the Kennedy era is living with the disease. I watch, I cry, I wave and I howl. My husband has been diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia one of the 28 types of dementia lumped under the word Altzhiemers. I know what the past few years have been and yes it does help to be told that the painful arguments were "the disease" and i wonder what the the days and months ahead will be. A number of children were part of the project talking about their grandparents, explaining to each other about what is happening to their loved one.
I am grateful to have seen the program for this.....one young boy about 7 or 8 said "sometimes all you have is heart". Those words triggered the largest wave and loudest howl. Is that all I will have as my husband's disease progresses? Heart, my heart! Amazing! Amazing because when I was living my Catalyst experience I couldn't find a word to describe my unleashed self and I spontaneously painted a heart and that became my symbol and the logo for my business! Who would have known! Not me! I do know that what ever unfolds Great RIG will be the heart of it! Great RIG for me from me and great RIG for him from me.........There are infrequent flashes of that look in his eye when he says "I love You" that remind me of what we had, remind me that is what we had and then i come back t where I live now here in the moment and I carry that look in my heart. Heart sometimes that is all you have.
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