Thanks for the Wheeze

Wow what a surprise!! In just a few short days I have come to appreciate my wheeze! Appreciate what you might ask since I sure asked myself the same question! And my answer is that my wheeze is my new best friend. It is my best friend because when I notice I am wheezing and I willing to pause, to pay attention and go inside and notice what what is going on in my body I often learn that all my 50 trillion cells are so tight it is no wonder I can hardly breathe and the wheeze is my body's way of getting my attention! So thank heaven for my willingness to do something different as otherwise I would do like I did for so many years revert to puffers that provide only minimal relief at any one time and only for a short time and then the routine starts all over again.

Now I am so different! When I become aware of the wheeze which is not always right away I stop, focus on dropping my breathe deeper into my body, sometimes I need to get up and move the restlessness in me and most times I need to pay attention to the thoughts that are invariably running around on a loop in my head. So far so good as my puffer use is down by 99% and I feel so good I have actually exercised this week!

I can only imagine the horizons that will open up out there when I open up in here.... And speaking of horizons the view from my deck at Peaceful Haven this morning is like something out of a magical, mystical movie! As I watched the solid bank of fog begin to part and lift and the mist is just hanging off the top of the trees and the whole scene is reflected in the water. Not a sound can be heard as it seems even the birds are in awe of the landscape unfolding for me this morning. The sky has patches of light as the morning awakes over the still water that absorbs and reflects. I explore the landscape as a metaphor unfolding before me in ever evolving clarity. Claim me. Claim me. I am free because I say I am no more waiting until anything happens. I am content because I say I am and because I have inside me everything I need now and if I need something else later I'll get it! It is not lost on me that since I declared myself free space has opened up and the "work" is still getting done! Imagine that! I can't wait to see what's next!

How shut down is shut down?

I know what I know and it's lots and at times I am so surprised that knowing all that doesn't help me to regain the state of ease and peace I so desire. I am in the moment realizing that knowing and living what I know are certainly two different things. I am learning that paying attention and being in the moment is the only way to de-code the messages from my body otherwise my body has to up the ante by talking louder. Sure I know all that stuff, from an intellectual point of view, about what is necessary in order for my body to function effectively. It needs stuff, air, sleep, food, down time and exercise although I have never been really good at that one! What I am re-learning moment to moment these past few days is to pay attention to what my body knows before it even comes to my attention. Not being able to breathe easily really gets my attention. So as my breathing comes into my awareness I notice and pay attention to how compressed my 50 trillion cells are and remember to say thank you for the wheeze my body creates as a way of bringing me back to the essentials, of reminding me what it needs to function effectively.
In the past few hours as I focus on breathing I have also paid attention to where in my body I find my breathe. I notice where my shoulders are, what my upper back muscles are doing and I use my thoughts to imagine that way I want to be breathing. That there is plenty of air for ME. That I am connected to and am that air and it can flow easily through my body nurturing and feeding it. By paying attention to how tight my body is and realize how much in protection I am in the moment.....imagine 50 trillion cells in lock down! As I, with intention shift my attention to the base of my spine I am beginning to re-claim a state of peace and flow and wonder of wonders my breathe flows....no struggle, no panic just ease and no wheeze!! How delightful to pay attention to flow and experience it so easily....now that is worth repeating! Oh and did I mention the monkey talk? Yes I paid a lot of attention to my surface dialogue and created a rote, mantra for the moment until I install new soft ware to re-program my mind to my new reality.......race horse running on the beach followed by a magnificent Irish Setter with all her feathers flying in the breeze now that's a picture to replace the donkeyness of an unwanted beast of burden and run free! gotta go I'm running free.................