To burn or not to burn

My sister and I often recommend books to each other and recently she recommended When The Body Says No by Gabor Mate. As I began to read it the other night I was startled to read the following quote "in the important areas of their lives almost none of my patients with serious disease had ever learned to say no."

No! To maintain our health all we have to do is say NO. Such a little word, just 2 letters and yet so powerful and so very difficult for many of us to say! Why is that? What on earth makes saying no such a big deal? I asked myself that when I read those lines ithe other night especially since I failed to say no so many times in the months leading up to Christmas 2007. Let me be excedingly clear the no I never said was to me! I over road my body's messages over and over and over again for 2 or 3 nonths without a break. Messages of fatique, hunger, bathroom, relaxation, kindness, gentleness, self care all of them. Why? Nobody forced me to do that.... get this except me! What kind of sense does that make? It made sense to me at the time because there was a client to see, something I wanted to do, work I wanted to finish a goal I was determined to meet and I was unwilling to be deterred, by anything. With what did I pay for this determination? Why my health of course! The body is the final line in the sand and it will have it's pound of flesh! So when my doctor asked me to come and see her about the results of a test she ordered I went. Did I mention that I am blessed with a marvelous doctor, one who listens to me and partner's with me in my health. Did I mention that I had a visit to the outpatient department of our local hospital with chest pain and blood presure out of sight for me! So when she said by the way you had a panic attack I laughed and said no, not me I don't do panic attacks! Well she said what did you have when you went to the hospital? Chest pain I said. Well she said all your heart tests are normal...you had a panic attack. No I said. So she said what was it? Well I finally adimitted that I could have had an overwhelmed attack at which point she had a chuckle. Did I mention this woman is wonderful!

So after 3 weeks away from my office on a planned vacation and 2 more weeks to ponder how I behaved and the consequences of my choice to work, work, work! I can honestly say I had a panic attack. It was my body's way of upping the signal and hoping to get through to me that I better pay attention! Did I mention that it is so easy for me to work. I have the most wonderful job in the world, having the opportunity to interact every day with great people and be coach and role model for folks who want to live life to the fullest. Being a CODE model coach and catalyst means I get to live my passsion every day in my office. So if all that is true and it is... how come I forgot and defaulted to my old conditioning of being a human doing? I think I got so consumed with what I was doing I forgot to live moment to moment to moment and got so focused on the "goal" I forgot to enjoy the ride and once the process got launched I was unwilling to get off the train! I was so sure that the ticket to ride would get me what I wanted I never asked the price. Have I ever done that before? Yes once about 28 years ago. Wow did I forget what happens when you stop caring for yourself as much as you care for everyone else! Why we do that is the subject for another day. I start 2008 with a new passion for me. I have learned to say NO. No to taking on stuff that is not mine. No to outrageous goals I set for me there is enough time and energy for everything I want there is no need to rush...slow down and enjoy the getting there it is such a large part of the fun! No bankrupting me. No to a serious disease when health = NO! There will be no more burn or panic for this gal!