Vibrant Colours

I am experiencing my world in brighter colours since my early dawn walk on the beach at Oceanstone last Friday morning. It was a quiet gray dawn, and the sand was coarse and cold as I walked in my bare feet. The world seemed to be all mine at that moment.......just the birds squaking and me walking on the edge of the Atlantic, an Atlantic that was gentle and quiet in that moment. Then the fog started to roll in and it seemed the birds were squaking all the louder.....and the bell was ringing...a hollow kind of sound. Bells have often called to me to remind me to get going, to school or to church or some other place I thought I should be or someone thought I should be and I didn't question. For now, in this moment, the bell had a lonely sound to it an echo that seemed to slide over the water right up to me. I found a comfortable rock and sat contemplating some of what I had discovered in our conversations....I don't know how many hours or days it had been since we started to talk. Time for me just seemd to collapse.....as I reminded myself to breath and stay in the tough conversations, stay in the moment....moment to moment to moment. Most often my tough conversations were with my own intellect. The rock began to dig into my butt or so it seemed and I was having a hard time sitting still....I was so fired up with what was going on inside of me....all the things I wanted to claim for me. So I started to walk again and I discovered two pieces of beach glass a blue one and a green one.....several shells I bagged to be carried home to add to the alter of special memories in my office. Things that remind me of this dawn walk, the depth of the conversations we have had and the recommitment I have made to be me no matter what company I am keeping. I know I am more present in me so my opportunity to sense more seems so new and exciting. Everything seems more vibrant like I am experiencing it for the first time. In my conversations I listen differently, I listen for my voice. Is it me speaking or is it the voice others expect me to speak with saying what they expect me to say. I am back to the office tomorrow. I will have to be present, awake moment to moment......to ensure I don't give me away as I have so many times before....doing, always doing what is expected. My body is into rebelling now, usually by initiating an asthma attack to get my attention to make clear the price of collusion in my life, no ifs ands or buts! No more comas for me. Just colours lots of colours in many different aspects of my life. ......I bought myself some pastels, 36 of them in all shades and colours and a big pad of paper a really big pad of paper! I got right in them tonight with my hands....not a sun Ann but a beautiful sunset full of vibrant colours. It is art because I say it is art my art and much more to come dirty hands and all.

I have a bunch of projects to get underway.......details later in another blog. I finally have a picture, a sense of how my book can unfold and that is so exciting to me. The artist in me is unfolding because I'm creating the space for its expression. Space a good topic for next time.