Infinite possibility

It's Thanksgiving weekend and my promise to mySelf was that I would rest, relax, read and avoid cooking.  My clear intention was to avoid the big turkey dinner that I had done for so many years. Happily done and I enjoyed it all and now I am just done with the roasting and hosting and quite satisfied that the baton is passed!  

My plan was to start out on Friday with a facial and hot stone massage.  Tick that one off.  Settle in with a glass of wine and a good book.  Tick that one off.  Historically when I am over tired, and just a little fed up with the volume of work that I love and have created I tend to curl up on the couch with good music in the background, a bunch of candles lit around the room and open the pages of a crisp new junk read! Candy for the mind is how my physician refers to them and maybe so as I can easily get lost in a fine mystery for a few hours and somehow my mind, body and spirit seems refreshed when I figure out "who done it".  Having devoured Dan Brown's new book earlier in the week I settled down with Diana Gabaldon's new tomb An Echo in The Bone.  I've waited 3 years for this sequel to Ashes in the Snow and before that I had read everything she wrote and was always equally fascinated.  I experience her as a marvellous weaver of historical fiction with and a great ability to insert snippets of quantum science and philosophy in the most unlikely places.    

And so I sit on day 3 of my restoration plan reading with Samson (my 17 pound Lhasa Apso) curled up beside me........no candles as it is only lunch time but everything else that speaks to me of "great reading" in place.  And suddenly the waves started to roll and with it came a primitive howl and tears and a great urge to run to the bathroom.  After considerable deep breathing my body started to stabilize so I did run to the bathroom and came back to the couch not to my book but to my computer to share what has triggered such a strong wave.  I know with great certainty the wave is related to the upcoming launch of Guardians of the Vision Parenting For The Birthright of Potential.  My visceral response to the content of that book triggered a similar response.  Wave after wave as I read the contributions of my fellow authors.  Those willing to stand in their truth and decloak significant details of their life so that the lives of others particularly children may claim the birthright of their potential.  We share how in the context of the WEL-Systems body of knowledge we reclaimed our birthright our potential to manifest a different world. Us first and then a world where kids claim their potential rather than injury themselves to silence the messages of their body that they haven't yet learned how to move.  The simple process of breathing the wave rather than clamping down changes life in a second.

Much has changed in my life in the past 6 years since I first laid my hands information about the WEL-Systems body of knowledge.  And to my delight "there is always more!"

The following statement in my junk read triggered my wave today Claire, the main female character says"why is it that women don't make war, I wonder?  Her husband says "ye're no made for it.......and it wouldn't be right; you women take so much more with ye, when you go."  He continues and says.  "When a man dies, its only him......and one is much like another.  A family needs a man (the novel is set in 1776) to feed and protect them.  But any decent man can do it.  A Woman.............A woman takes life with her when she goes.  A woman is...................infinite possibility." Highlighting mine!  Although I know that repeating words in your head actually slows down your ability to read I still do it and as I spoke those words a spontaneous wail came out of my mouth and one more layer of poisonous pedagogy unravelled.  The stark wisdom, the sense of authenticity in those words reverberated in my cells so foreign to much of my earlier experience and I know them to be true.  As true as the authenticity of the words in Guardians of the Vision.  And so to anyone reading this blog  

You are Cordially invited by the Co-Creators and Authors 

to the Formal Launch of 

Guardians of the Vision 

Parenting For The Birthright of Potential 

Monday October 26th 2009

at

Lilly Lake Pavillion 

Saint John, NB

at 2:00 in the afternoon

for information call 506-634-2883

A name after all is way more than a name

In a flash a cascade of knowing that the strategies I have often run in social situations have been fundamentally to gain acceptance of who I am and the way I move through the world from folks I may not even care about and may never even see again. And I did it to myself! And once separated from the godforce I am shit is often the result. Shit I create out of fear. Fear that I am not enough and of course in a heart beat I am then separated from the godforce I know my self to be and then I am not enough! In an act of unconsciousness, an act of being asleep I loose all my inner power, I loose sight of the godforce I am. This knowing arrived full blown and contrasted against the activities of my husband's 50Th anniversary of high school graduation. We spent time over a couple of days in the company of folks whose eyes flashed to my name tag in the hopes of slotting me into some category or other and I realized as I watched this completely unable to see me perhaps in their own fear of seeking to re-establish themselves as part of this long ago group. My name tag said Pat and my husband's name and at first I played nice and said it was okay,even though I had registered in my own name, so as not to make a fuss! It is a second marriage for us and our contract was that I came as a package deal, three kids a dog and I don't change my name! So for the 24 years of our marriage I have been known as Pat Donihee the name I was given by my parents. As the day went on I realized that the name tag was not me had never been me and how important my name was to me and all that meant in my moment to moment evolution. I knew in a heart beat that I was completely unwilling to give up any part of my journey what ever that may unfold to be and it of course had nothing to do with the name tag! I have known for almost 60 years that I possessed an insatiable desire to learn, grown, expand my consciousness and that drive could only be congruent to the extent that I am open, honest and direct with myself first and in that acceptance of me as I am then with others. I asked for a new name tag. On the two hour boat trip up the Saint John River on a magnificent summer day, I watched the sail boats, birds, scenery and I searched for someone to have conversation with and when I found none I sat down in the sun and had a nap!  I awakened to a new world, my world, a constantly emerging future....moment to moment to moment where I am me in all my godforcenness!  

Restless

Restless, restless...there is the echo of a song in the back of my mind and yet I can't pull anymore from the depths of wherever I stored the full version. That seems par for the course at the moment! I feel restless, unsettled, unsure of even the ground I walk on while at the same time I am so confident that whatever unfolds will be just fine and I will be fine! Perhaps that is really the lesson for me in this deep state of restlessness that I will manifest what ever I clearly focus on especially when I am in alignment from 7 to 1. Hum.... I know that and yet I haven't yet stepped up to what I want to create in the immediate future. I have lived with my husband for 26 years and yet as different as every day has been we are in a new phase of "really" different. He has recently been diagnosed with dementia and I have no idea what that mean day to day moment to moment. I suspect my restlessness is about clarifying my thinking and focusing on what I want to manifest for the rest of my life as I am certain of one thing it will never match the plan I consciously or unconsciously had in my head for my "mature years". I am also aware that in the moments I choose to see my universe as unlimited albeit very different I feel free and a bit restless. Restless because I have so much potential and although I believe I have all the potential I can create I also have a lot of old beliefs, values and attitudes and rules around what I do now! I am clear that I am not yet sure about what I want to manifest and for now that is just fine as I know it will unfold exactly as it should.

Here comes the sun.....

It is quiet, not completely empty of sound just quiet. Nothing is stirring yet not even the birds, not even the ones who are anxious to be first to taste the new day, first to let the world know they are present, first to make a mark on the untouched canvass of this new day. I know though it will not be long until they begun to sing.I feel it in my bones and hear in my mind the beauty of the melody of the choir who will soon burst into song.

The river is still and reflective and just beginning to don the rose of the approaching dawn. Although I am not a morning person I claim this time to be the dawn, to be the emerging beauty and wonder. I know I manifest this wonder,this beauty and stillness as my choice, as my way of moving through the world claiming my space for me just for me. Being invitational and claiming my space for me.

The sun is moving up on my horizon, peeking over the hills, lighting, warming touching everything lightly with a kiss on its way by. It does not linger just moves on its own path. I love the sounds and sights and touch of its warmth. The lush green of the hills I see out my window and yet I know under the new growth lies the fallen limbs and leaves of last year. And yet the movement continues and last year's fallen branches just add to the new growth. i wonder if that is how all my fallen branches add to the peace of this moment and there is no need to ponder about what is and worry about what might be. There is this most magnificent of moments to embrace, to be in and nothing else. Nothing else. What is is everything.

I leave in a few days to return to Ireland, the country of my father's family. the country they left 200 years ago to come to the land of opportunity. This trip, to a conference is not the first time I have left home and famiy to attend a conference. And this one is different. I go knowing I claim my time, my energy, my resources, my space because I say so! Yes I go to learn and I go to connect to meet people who will have information to help me choose my path. The path I am about to walk is new to me. Failure to choose me on this path, failure to listen to my inner direction I know will mean my sun goes down and stays down and all that is vital about me and to me will be lost! I put my face up to the sun and fell its warmth and know that is me warming me and bathing me in light and song. Me. A silent, emerging into full beauty. Me.

what is next?

Tears are flowing, waves are moving and howls come out of my mouth. It is Sunday morning and I was cleaning my closet to pick up what I dropped on the floor last week and create the sense of order I know I appreciate when I am facing a busy week! I hear the TV as I walk through the family room on my way to the washer. I stop and watch for a moment and catch the word Alzheimer's. It is the program Maria Shriver created as her father Sargent Shriver the vital public servant of the Kennedy era is living with the disease.   I watch, I cry, I wave and I howl. My husband has been diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia one of the 28 types of dementia lumped under the word Altzhiemers. I know what the past few years have been and yes it does help to be told that the painful arguments were "the disease" and i wonder what the the days and months ahead will be. A number of children were part of the project talking about their grandparents, explaining to each other about what is happening to their loved one.

I am grateful to have seen the program for this.....one young boy about 7 or 8 said "sometimes all you have is heart". Those words triggered the largest wave and loudest howl. Is that all I will have as my husband's disease progresses? Heart, my heart! Amazing! Amazing because when I was living my Catalyst experience I couldn't find a word to describe my unleashed self and I spontaneously painted a heart and that became my symbol and the logo for my business! Who would have known! Not me! I do know that what ever unfolds Great RIG will be the heart of it! Great RIG for me from me and great RIG for him from me.........There are infrequent flashes of that look in his eye when he says "I love You" that remind me of what we had, remind me that is what we had and then i come back t where I live now here in the moment and I carry that look in my heart. Heart sometimes that is all you have.

Magnificence of Awakening

A new day is awakening.  The darkness of night blue is softly fading away as light emerges at the edges to take its place accompanied by the deep rose that colours the surface of the peaceful water and heralds the arrival of the sun.  An orchestra of birds has begun to warm up and the owl, not yet ready to sleep hoots its presence. One large bright star in the east remains and others twinkle to keep it company.  The moon is on the other side of the house away from the water, lost to my sight and yet there all the same.

Although not by nature a morning person I love these times when awake and alone in the stillness of my house I experience myself as one with the unfolding around me.  It is at these times I feel a deep sense of connection of peace of the immenseness of my presence.  No limits just the huge space I am to unfold.  Nothing to do now, nothing to press against just space, space to flow and flow and flow!

I am reminded of two concerts I attended last weekend.  Both very different performers and yet in both I was struck by my perception that the audience was completely immaterial to the music being made!  In the moment of the music the artists went inside and were oblivious to the 2500 or so people listening and seemed only present to themselves.  I began to wonder and pay attention to those moments in my life.  Standing on my deck wrapped in a blanket being the day that awakens is one of those moments for me.  I smile and remember the oneness of the moment and move silently and with ease into the next, next and next.................

Letting it All Hang Out

I notice first that my belly is tight and then I become aware that my breath is up in my throat and no sooner does that sensation come into my awareness when I realize that my shoulders are tense and then I realize that my upper back is also tense.  I wonder how all this tension could be present in my body and I don't even notice.  I wonder what I am so occupied with, what I am paying attention to so as to not notice what state my body is in.  What is it that my body already senses, what is it that it knows about my environment that I have yet to notice.  What is it that I don't want to know and what does it cost me not to know!  And in that thought I relax my belly, drop my attention to the base of my spine and everything changes.  So simple and yet such massive change and in a heart beat.  I laugh out loud to myself....who cares if my belly hangs out!  Who even notices?  And if they do so what!  Tonight all that happened in my car as I drove through woods and was grateful for the new moose fencing that keeps those massive animals off the road and away from my car.  I love time in my car.... driving...in the confines of the car I create my own world and I drive down a mostly empty road tonight.  I breathe and let go.  I don't worry about answers and know it will all unfold as it should and what ever it is I know I am safe moment to moment to moment.  I think about what is present in my world and wonder how conscious I was when I manifested all that and I refocus on what I clearly want what i dream about creating.  I have been alone and in that aloneness lost touch with community that shares a passion and commitment to evolution.  In that aloneness I have struggled.  I commit to mySelf to my evolution and in that commitment I reach out and I am so much more!  i breathe and i let it all hang out....and with elegance of course!