A name after all is way more than a name

In a flash a cascade of knowing that the strategies I have often run in social situations have been fundamentally to gain acceptance of who I am and the way I move through the world from folks I may not even care about and may never even see again. And I did it to myself! And once separated from the godforce I am shit is often the result. Shit I create out of fear. Fear that I am not enough and of course in a heart beat I am then separated from the godforce I know my self to be and then I am not enough! In an act of unconsciousness, an act of being asleep I loose all my inner power, I loose sight of the godforce I am. This knowing arrived full blown and contrasted against the activities of my husband's 50Th anniversary of high school graduation. We spent time over a couple of days in the company of folks whose eyes flashed to my name tag in the hopes of slotting me into some category or other and I realized as I watched this completely unable to see me perhaps in their own fear of seeking to re-establish themselves as part of this long ago group. My name tag said Pat and my husband's name and at first I played nice and said it was okay,even though I had registered in my own name, so as not to make a fuss! It is a second marriage for us and our contract was that I came as a package deal, three kids a dog and I don't change my name! So for the 24 years of our marriage I have been known as Pat Donihee the name I was given by my parents. As the day went on I realized that the name tag was not me had never been me and how important my name was to me and all that meant in my moment to moment evolution. I knew in a heart beat that I was completely unwilling to give up any part of my journey what ever that may unfold to be and it of course had nothing to do with the name tag! I have known for almost 60 years that I possessed an insatiable desire to learn, grown, expand my consciousness and that drive could only be congruent to the extent that I am open, honest and direct with myself first and in that acceptance of me as I am then with others. I asked for a new name tag. On the two hour boat trip up the Saint John River on a magnificent summer day, I watched the sail boats, birds, scenery and I searched for someone to have conversation with and when I found none I sat down in the sun and had a nap!  I awakened to a new world, my world, a constantly emerging future....moment to moment to moment where I am me in all my godforcenness!